she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
