I want to make a zoo with you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
