i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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