I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
