Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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