butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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