mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
