Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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