two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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