Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
