hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
