pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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