So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
