Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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