mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
