girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
