Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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