im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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