its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
