You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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