he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
