oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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