he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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