Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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