Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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