Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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