More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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