I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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