nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
