Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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