I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
