She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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