Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
