oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
