dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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