the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
