I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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