Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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