Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
