i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
