I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im holly from the hills drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
