Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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