He called his prostate his "boner button".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
