dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
