I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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