I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
