why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
