I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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