My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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