Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
