Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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