I should be sponsored by Trojan
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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