So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I faked an abortion last night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
