I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
