1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we're chasing vodka with high fives
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
