dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
